Why Is Writing So Hard?

I started my autobiography book back in 2019, while I was going through one of many perspective and life changes. I was in a three-year-long relationship with someone who was 8 years older than me. Living on my own (with him) after leaving my mother’s home due to the constant abusive nature that surrounded me—I was going through it. Many nights were filled with cries and questions about the reason behind my life being the way it was. It wasn’t until then that I decided to open my Google Docs and start writing a book.

With a rough start in life as an adopted Afro-Latina who only spoke Spanish and moved to Miami at the age of 8, it was inevitable that one day I’d have something to say—and writing became the way I finally let it out. I have two complete journals filled with thoughts and, well, mostly anger.

2019 changed many things for me—things I will include in my book, of course. Now, having gone through a thousand and one things, I will absolutely not be quiet. The word quiet is emphasized because my mother had a whole crying meltdown when she found out that I was going to write a book that would be featuring the abuse she put me through since my father passed away in 2009. She absolutely lost it because she is a narcissist and does not want anybody knowing the full extent of what she did. I mean she got on her knees, pleading for me not to go through with it. I looked at her dead in the eyes and told her that her victim act won’t ever work on me.

Anyways, why is writing so hard for me? I’ve been trying to figure out why I have the desire to do it, but I always avoid it. And the answer to that is because I have to relive everything I’ve left in the past. There are some things/feelings I’m still avoiding, and others no longer have a direct effect on me but still weigh heavy on my heart—like the decision to completely cut off communication with my biological mother and father.

But oh well, I’ll figure that out later on. Maybe the thought of strangers reading my writing scares me—or anybody, at that. I’m not sure.

But let’s cheer for another blog post, and hopefully after this, I’ll open my Google Docs and get active.